don't fight but deal ..

i often wonder why

things seem to remain the same

every step I take

brings me closer to the same

night beckons me

i stay up wide awake and weary

hoping for a change for the better or worse

as long as it's not too adverse

life is bland

when we don't understand

God's command that we need to withstand

who knows life

and sometimes they call it as a game

where we are and from where we came

everyone differs and no one is same

fighting for money and mortal name

fihgting for power and love

soul holds the memories in the frame

few love everything and few hardly tame

who has understood such is the game

it is obvious that problems often intervene in life

problems are the beginning of worth-while life

don't fight a fact but deal with it

nobody can go back and start a new beginning

but anyone can start today and make a new ending

moreover it's better to learn early than late

and braze yourself for this fate

that life is to be lone lead

no matter how many have otherwise said

many have gone and many came

don't ever trust completely

and give away your heart and soul

for truth someday

you are bound to see

but then,

nothing can you control

J.A.V

a song to choose

come from a turbulent past

the fate is now placed in your hands

the unknown future awaits

as it does

for foolish few who dare

leave behind what you comprehend

know for now without doubt

for life can lead in many ways

often now undesired

fate can deal a cruel hand sometimes

but we play on cold and tired

rain softly fallin down

each drop a symphony of sound

it is your choice of what rhythm is going to be

the decision is yours

as it for life

there are some moments

that you wanted to change to be a better one

unfortunately you cant turn back time

there must be some things that you regret

there must be some bitter endings

which u don't expect

some pains that you made that cannot be undo

and for all those reasons

how you wish you can do all over again

when life gets much harder

it will make u stronger

don't regret of what u've done

cos it don't make any difference

you have and own the life you're given

What worries you .. masters you ..

worry is something that disturbs the peace of mind

worry is interest paid on trouble before it is due

afflicts with mental agitation or distress

describe the indomitable state of mind

things that are aversely happening 

in life against the will

worry is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind

if encouraged

it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained 

many of you may worry about 2 things 

that are yesterday and tomorrow

worry a little bit every day 

and in a lifetime you will lose a couple of years

if something is wrong

fix it if you can

but 

train yourself not to worry

cos

worry never fixes anything

and yet 

anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows

but only empties today of its strength

do not anticipate trouble

or worry about what may never happen

because

the greatest part of our happiness depends on our dispositions

not our circumstances

J.A.V

romance blossomed

tonight is calm and clear

and I am thinking of someone dear

I look into the night sky

and try to realize why I want to cry

the stars are crisp and bright

i wonder if you are thinking of me tonight 

there is a summer night to remember 

there were times for me and you 

we were laughing together 

as the fire of love burned between us 

please do not fade your sight on me

i've memorized the music of melancholy and life

let the sun refuse to rise

let not morning arrive soon

for every moment I take

all reasons have been truthful

there and from 

my heart has spoken words that are true

from there where we shall meet 

I endorse solitude of hearts

made warm romance and forgotten the past

in sweet dilemma and crucial mistakes

may we always stride this way and never cross apart

i'm planting faith into your heart and it will bloom well

in places where our eyes would speak solemnly

but our hearts carried the lights beyond any spell

J.A.V

call yourself a fool when it comes to love ..

what is this magical bond we share?

amidst the constant circus like avalanche of words,
how did you know?
faithful to uncertainty
a spirit yearning to be free
his subtle words lodge in my thought ..
is it possible that a simple innocent radiant smile
or a crazy serendipitous verse
could bring two people so diverse
to where we find ourselves today?
strangers once to our own lives
at ease with the depth of our own emptiness,
how unlikely it is that we are here ..
the kind of night you wish you were with the one you love
nestled close to the open fire
watching the moon duck in and out of the white cotton clouds
caressing and holding each other gently
breath silently quivering collect

how i wish you were here 

right now .. 

Feelings and emotions stir
Disguised by layers of pain and ruin
Two hearts awaken
A gentle, loving, knowing kiss
Bound together forever ..

J.A.V

love and life are easily perceived ..

dear all bloggers who are falling in love ,

maybe sometimes people are right about happiness .. especially when you are falling in love .. 

when you are falling in love so deeply, you hardly remember what sadness is .. 

for these past 4 months, i feel happiness continuously and I thank God for it .. 

i'm so grateful for what i have now.. my family, my friends and especially for my special one, dendi ..

i don't know why .. this time i feel so different .. it's just not the same like i felt before .. it's like everything seems fall into the right place .. 

well ... i do admit in every relationship there must be problems that you have to accept and face it .. 

however i do believe that problems mean nothing as compare as the faith and trust of love that you have ..  

sometimes talking is way easier rather than doing it .. hmmm .. but you know .. the power of love *wow* is really helping you if you have an internal problem in your relationship .. i say this not just by saying it but it happened to me .. perhaps, it applies to you guyz as well :) 

does anyone still watch fairy-tales movies here ?? like Barbie ..?? 

well i will be the one who put my hand up high .. :P 

if you watch Barbie , the ending is always an happy ending .. but that is not my point .. this movie shows me that problems are not a big deal if you work it out together and turns out to be true .. mysteries make you curious but yet make you reach your depressions .. but hang on a second guyz , is problem suppose to put you down? or is it the reverse?? the answer is yours .. 

there go my points . . 

for me now , i feel so happy because obviously im falling in love .. but i know it won't last forever cos life has it's own upturn and downturn .. we can't be in the top position forever, can we? 

actually love and life are easily perceived as long as we understand the purpose and the concept of them .. 

hmm .. i think it's time for me to log off this blog cos i have to do the stupid assignment from uni .. 

*E.M.E.R.G.E.N.C.Y* somebody call my momma .. LOL ..

so goodluck guyz ^^

enjoy your day people .. 

GOD bless ..

Joanna 

this message is meant for people who reach their lowest low right now because of others ..

dear all people whoever you are out there ,

today is 11 of october 2009 .. there were many things happened before this day ..
can someone tell me how does it feel when you hear something or lets say , how do you feel when you know that people talk shit behind you when you are not ? 
or how does it feel to be blame when you do not do anything like ppl think?
well let says, most of you once been in that situation before .. and i guess its not easy to be in that kind of position.. 

mistakes are common to human being .. old or young, men or women , teenagers or kids .. people do mistakes and there are times you want to turn back time just to prevent that mistakes .. 
talking about people or in other words, gossiping is not bad but somehow, you have to watch what words are going to be delivered .. these days, there are many people backstabbing or cheating behind you .. you will never know who they are until you face it yourselves ..

i dont understand why people like to talk bad stuffs behind it .. in my mind, what is the advantage of it? will it benefit you?? and i dont really get it why people are so eager to talk something that arent their stuffs .. talk about personal life of others .. talk about non-personal life of others .. well i do understand that people like to talk about others but with one condition, IF ONLY YOU KNOW THEM .. but how if not?? is it just for the fun of it ?? or is it interesting ..?? 

i do admit that talking is fun .. and i do admit that gossiping is fun as well .. back then im one of them .. but since i grown up .. everything has changed .. ive learned one thing, there is no benefit at all to talk shit of others cos if you dont want people to talk nasty things about you then you DO NOT need to talk like that .. sometimes i feel uneasy of those things that happen around me .. either it my friends or "friends" .. 

there is one thing that i want to state about this note .. NEVER trust people so easily .. cos trust is a big word to say and to do .. you've gotta sure that the person you trust is a worthy person .. because you know, in these days, people are so good in acting .. they can pretend as much as they want to .. you never know what's in their minds .. 

and yea .. for those people who always talk shit about others .. i once think, why dont they just get themselves a mirror and look at themselves .. have they ONCE make a MISTAKE in their life? are they PERFECT ?? if they think so .. GO AHEAD ppl .. 
however, i believe that each person in this world .. whoever they are .. wherever they are .. they MUST be done mistakes in their life .. big or small .. it doesnt matter .. 

for people out there who reach their lowest low just because of "those people" .. CHEER UP .. dont be sad .. let them know who you are .. i mean the real you .. i suggest you .. not to give a damn care about it .. cos you know why ?? they DONT deserve your concern .. they DONT deserve your thoughts .. they DONT deserve your tears .. just dont give a shit of it people .. as in i say , only people who knows you well are the one who respect you and understand who you are .. 

and i will end this note by saying, 
dont give up of somethings that arent worth it at all .. REMEMBER , you are who you are .. if people still continue talking shit behind you .. say to them " GO AHEAD .. TALK AS MUCH AS YOU WANT TO COS I DONT GIVE A DAMN CARE ABOUT IT " .. just let people who know you really well, judge you .. NOT them .. 


so .. good luck people .. dont let them bring your days down .. cos they dont know what they are doing right now .. i bet they will regret it after all .. just believe in yourself, that you are a great and extra-ordinary person .. :)


God bless 




Joanna -

dedicate for people who feel that they aren't being themselves or not being satisfy of what they have ..

different, yes I am always listening to my jam 

stare at me if you want 

go ahead you can even taunt cause i don't care what other think styles are never, 

ever written in ink so be yourself 

don't sit on the shelf 

dance to your own beat you can make it quite a feat 

you can be whatever you want to be 

I hope you too can see 

cliques aren't 'cool' 

they will never rule 

sometimes they can be cruel so don't stop and stare a drool so be yourself 

don't sit on the shelf 

cut it off like a knife 

and live your life!  

Joanna -

Can't Turn Back Time - Reminiscing

everyone tells you
they're the best years of your life
the thing they don't tell you
is they are all full of strife
from a child to a teen
in less then a year
it's a lot to deal with ..
teen life 
is something you have to deal with
is something that you have to overcome
the war is against yourselves ..
a child has no worries
a teen has plenty
you've learnt the meaning of love
you've discovered broken hearts
the worries of being accepted
are the hardest part of all ..
time creates all moments
time modifies all questions
time answers all the miseries
then .. 
have you ever wondered 
what life would be like with that person you have lost in your life 
and said to your self things would be different if that person was still here?
have you ever wondered 
what it would be like if you can go back a change the things you have done 
and hope that it wouldn't be like it is now?
too many questions that ended with a big question mark ..
it seems or so people say,
the moment we are born
our fate is already etched on to our foreheads 
a moment when you left still visible
but it's just you can't have them back 

everything is beyond waving goodbye ..

Joanna

This is dedicated to everyone who has something in their mind - particularly in PROBLEMS ..

tonight 
as the time goes by 
im so thankful to God 
that i've become what i am now ..
there was a time 
i spent all my night 
praying for something that i wish to have for
praying for something that i really desire to be with 
God didn't grant my wish
but i guess,
He know what he's doing after all ..
i'm siting right here in my room 
in silence and no one's here 
im thinking how dumb i was before 
but it's pointless to regret of something that had been done 
however,
i'm gleefully happy with my situation right now ..
that's why ,
i thank God for everything that He has done for me
i thank God for the unanswered prayers
and there's a crucial point ,
when He don't answer my prayer ,
it doesn't mean he don't care ..
it means He has an incredible plan for me ..
it's just I have to wait ..
tonight 
i want to share something with all of you people out there 
who have problems , sadness or disappointments ..
sometimes,
problems bring positive changes to your life 
it's just a matter of your decision 
a little decision can change every single thing in your life 
for people out there who have broken hearts right now,
cheer up and don't be sad ..
A broken heart is not the end of the world
just believe , somehow .. some day .
there must be a right person for you to live with ..
for people out there who are falling in love,
appreciate your partner and treat them with tender and care ..
for people out there who have problems with parents ,
be thankful for that ,
cos at that moment,
God just want to show you how much they love you ..
for people out there who have problems with friendships,
praise the lord,
cos God is trying to let you know ,
whoever your "best friend" is ,
is not a good friend that you have to keep for and it's worthless ..
live the life to the fullest 
live the life with 3 simple words and that are " thank you, God"
be grateful of every single moment in your life for each day 
cos those moments mean something special 
that you will never know until you regret it !


Joanna-

love is all around

love is a state of mind
a puzzle made by pieces you can't find
it's written in the history of life 
like memories you can't erase 
love is merely madness
it may be the case 
that a person may be able 
to find love more than once in his or her life
and the person settles with the one 
who is best and compatible amongst all ..
we come to love not by finding a perfect person
but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly
alone they are two
together they are one 
there are no boundaries or barriers 
if two people are destined to be together 
that kind of selfless love has an incredible power ..
in true love the smallest distance is too great
and the greatest distance can be bridged 
when distance lies between lovers 
it will turn up to be the fire of love
love is missing someone whenever you're apart
but somehow feeling warm inside 
because you're close in heart ..
in the arithmetic of love
one plus one equals everything
and two minus one equals nothing 
life has taught us 
that love does not consist in gazing at each other 
but in looking outward together in the same direction ..




Joanna-

Questions of Trust

why does your heart grow doubtful?
tense and beating
full of fear
somehow i know that trust will save me 
but 
to trust someone is based on your clarity of judgement
and it's not easy to do it ..
trust is being earn and lost
do you earn it ?
If trust is lost, will you ever get it back?
will you ever be close to that person again?
it will be never be the same as before ..
how can you trust someone if that someone has broken your trust? 
it feels like heart is empty ..
you have to work for your trust 
with the person that make you lost the trust
you have to make that person understand
why should you ever trust that person again 
you have to repair that broken trust ..
trust can be lost yet regained
once lost
it is hard to regain trust
trust is something that should not be abused or betrayed
trust is a feeling
thats always worth achieving ..
maybe
the past made you not to trust completely
wasn't able to trust anybody fully
thought that you wouldn't allow yourself to get hurt anymore
but that all changed when you knocked
and although you know your partner is true
even to your lover u decreasingly trust
but you will never know the price to pay ..
trust is a word but has a deep meaning
trust is received then slowly deceived 
with something as fragile as trust
once its broken
it takes awhile to rebuild
then questions are all around 
is this trust coming from something more sinister or is it genuine? 
how do you choose? 
who could you trust in your greatest moment in need? 
who will be worthy of having your trust? 
will you be able to confide your trust among certain people? 
all i can say ....
think twice before you act 
cos 
there's no point of regretting of what had done ...



Joanna -

The missing piece of trust

there are dreams that come true 
there are dreams that absurd 
there are sentences which are clear 
there are sentences which show uncertainty 
there are minds that easy to guest 
there are minds that complicated 
there are mistakes that acceptable 
there are mistakes that inevitable 
there are attitudes that lack of attention
there are attitudes that over joy 
while im sitting here 
with questions in my mind 
and im questioning myself ,
" what am i now ? "
" do i still have a heart to feel it ? "
" or is it just a situation where i don't want to be alone ? "
while i was giving my trust away 
i should have not write a 100% off 
memories will explain it all
trust is a word which easy to say but it's hard to prove
however,
many people do ..
a poor little heart 
that didn't know anything about lies 
was manipulated by an evil heart 
to give away it's own trust ..
once is enough
twice is too much 
and the third time ..
the poor little heart will just break into pieces 
and it has been happening since a long time ago ..
a second chance is an opportunity for someone 
to improve the faults of it's own 
it's easy to please but it's hard to be a better person by the second chance 
when you have the second chance 
you will be overjoy cos you think you deserve it and you can prove it ..
while on the other side ,
when the person is giving you the second chance
it doesnt mean that the person just give away the chance 
it means something else ..
when the person is giving the second chance 
it shows that the person lose the trust 
there is no more honesty between them 
suspicions
furious
anger 
unease 
all together become one which is called as a sensitiveness of feeling
when the poem comes to an end ..
does anyone know how to trust people for one more time ?
does anyone has a suggestion of how to gain the trust for once again ?



Joanna-

Perhaps . .

I lay myself off on the bed 
Thinking of how long it has been passed
Always worrying about something that absurd
There are times I regret not to let you know 
How much you mean to me 
And at this moment
Tho I say it .. Its worthless 
I cover myself up
And I close my eyes 
Reminiscing all those sweet times
I'm pouting my lips
Anger and sadness arise
Wish I could turn back time
Wish I could mend the broken heart
Wish I could make my own script of life
Then I would be the great director 
You left with reasonable reasons
That I couldn't insist you to stay a while 
Now 
I know how a broken heart gives you pain 
Now
I understand how it feels when you hit the lowest low
Now
I know how it feels when you are in the situation of uncertainty$
That's why I decided 
Not to look after you anymore
Not even a single minute 
Tho I did rushed to find a way to make you stay 
But now 
I just let it go
Maybe somehow
There will be a time where you and me meet at the right time 
Where we come up together and do things rightly
All I can say is 
Perhaps ..

a girl in the mirror

There is a girl in the mirror
I wonder who she is 
Sometimes I really know her 
But sometimes I wish I did ..
There is a story in her eyes
Lullaby that saying a goodbye 
And when she looking back at me
I can tell that her heart can break easily 
And she shows 
That it is not easy to forget someone..
At that moment ,
I can't say anything 
I can't do anything 
I'm just staring at her 
And feel how pity she is .. 
If only I can do something,
I wish I can tell her to realize 
That she can be stronger than ever ..
If I could 
I would tell her not to be afraid 
If I could
I would tell her not to cry 
If I could 
I would tell her that her feelings are just a sense of loneliness that will fade ..
Cos I'm sure love will find its own way .. 
And now I know ,
The girl in the mirror,
She reflects me .. 
I can't believe this,
But I am certain that she will be alright in time .. 



Joanna -

chaotic

life defines happiness
life defines sadness
a life in the hope of 
discovering the meaning of my life
my speech 
my poetry
come to life with me ..
the life force in my life’s functions
drawn from life
to life drawn
dream to life a life full of dreams
this liveliness
this sparkle
this effervescence of life
this bubbling life like wine ..
life is every where 
it is in you now and forever it shall stay 
but sometimes,
life is sad and it is lonely
life is evil and life is blunt ..
some people might say life sucks
or life is full of shit
while other people say life is beautiful
or life is full of surprises 
life is whatever you think of it
and everything you think of it
life is what you make it of it 
and what you say of it ..
life is about pain 
that causes a miserable time
life is about loss and winning
life is about smiling and crying
life is about love and laughter
life is about learning from your mistakes
life is dumb and awesome
life is a depression, tears and sorrow
life is about an anxiousness ..
life is a gift for you to send
life is a gift now you're with me
life is a gift when love is true
life is a gift when it is handed on a tray
life is a gift even though it is always on display
life is a gift even if it is hard to understand how ..
there is a thing that cannot be explained in life
there is something that is unknown in life
there is something that is yet to be shown in life 
there is groove we seek what matters
there is moves shaking to make life better 
at last ..
life has bad times that create pain
however,
life has good times that won't be forgotten
and ...
life will always start from the bottom to the top ..




Joanna 

adam and eve

when love presents between adam and eve
emotions are running wild 
it's like something in mind
it's about secrecy ..
when there's no trust 
when there's no honesty
eve prefer to step away from love 
however,
eve wants an attention of love
it's like hide and seek ..
adam is perceiving of eve's reaction
doesn't want to become a fugitive man 
adam creates romance ..
as the time goes by ,
trust is putting its part inside eve 
love arises between them 
care specifies itself 
but ..
everything can be different in anytime 
sometimes love comes around
sometimes love knocks you down 
lately is enough for eve
everything looks perfect
but not for adam ..
mistreat 
cheating
lies 
all of these become the heading news 
it aint enough for him 
he still tries to make another drama ..
tears are falling down from eve's eyes
a heart-broken lies inside her feeling 
then she thinks ,
" is this what i want ? "
" Is It Really Worth it? "
she's been through hard times 
she's been thinking for ages 
and there's one time,
eve decided to move on and go on 
cos adam had a spite at her ..
adam questioned about the changes 
talking with the head down 
saying that he didn't totally aware
but 
eyes were starring everywhere 
couldn't see through her eyes 
cos he knew he was wrong ..
eve had enough 
she's sick of love 
she's done of wishing 
she's done of hoping for the change 
she's tried of the tear 
and she's too fly to be depressed ...
she said to herself
that this was her mistake that made it clear
she deserves someone so much better . .
what done is done 
can't turn back time ..



Joanna-

Forever Goodbye ..

time is ticking hastily
someone thinks unceremoniously 
a simple smile sketch on the other face
day by day passed unconsciously 
someone caught in the middle 
a simple laugh heard from the other person
someone sits and reminisces 
while memories stay forever 
what done is done ..
someone should have known
how much a love shown
if it was just passing by 
then mind your own business 
heart is beating 
mind is sacredly to its own
what a rush
what a lust 
everything has changed ..
happiness caused sadness
love caused pain
joy arises after tears
a smile arises after broken-hearted
mistakes make hearts repent regrettably
once time's out 
everything accomplished ..
there is no more time for crying
there is no more time of thinking
it is useless to question mark a heart
is it worthless to apologize
cos ..
there were times where hearts stay constant
there were times where feelings stay the same
but ..
once changed
forever would be ..




Joanna

You Are My FOREVER MOTHER

i didn't noticed 
it's been 2 weeks since my mom left 
and i've realized that i'm alone by myself
with no laughter or happiness ..
i cried like tears couldn't stop
i couldn't help myself this time
i really miss you mom ..
i still remember 
on the day you left me
we had a fight
we cried together 
we apologized each other
and you said that you loved me 
just before i let you go ..
it aint easy for me to make this note
cos i shed tears from one sentence to another sentence ..
i laid myself down 
and i was thinking of your birthday
your big day is going to come 
but there's something that bothered me
it's about me 
i can't be there to celebrate your birthday mom ..
it's tough for me 
for not be with you on your special day
i used to be with you for every single day 
but now ,
how pathetic i am 
that i can't even give you a little surprise ..
i closed my eyes
i was flashing back to our times 
memories of you 
young and vibrant
are as clear in my mind 
as if i were still a little girl 
holding onto your hand ..
the lessons you taught me 
are always with me
especially the ones on surviving
the strength I have inside
is only a shadow of the woman you are ..
mother,
you're a wonderful mother
so gentle yet so strong
there are many ways you show you care
always make me feel I belong .. ..
you're patient when I'm foolish
you give guidance when I ask 
you're my cushion when I fall
you help in times of trouble
you support me whenever I call ..
mom,
i love you more than you know ..
i think of all the things you gave to me
sacrifice, devotion, love and tears
all these you spent on me throughout the years 
you loved me with a never-failing love
and then you did the hardest thing of all
you let me separate from you and set me free ..
everyday i try my best to survive without you
mom i promise you that there'll never be another 
cos you are my forever mother ..




P.S. mama .. i miss you so much .. i feel so lonely without you .. i know it seems that i look like a kid that lose her barbie but i just want you to know that i love you more than you ever know and you have no idea how much i love you .. 


Joanna -

For Who You Are

People nowadays are over-limit of everything
money .. words .. acts .. lies .. loves .. powers ..
and the worst thing is mouth
it can create the most amazing drama of life 
most of the people always have a desire
to interrupt someone-else's life 
they come like a thief 
and they go without leaving any footprints
someone come and tell you 
that your friends hate you
somebody criticize you 
that you always on the wrong track
another group talk eagerly about you
saying how bad you are 
let me tell you something important,
" they act foolishly and there's a jealousy on fire "
another day has come
for the second time 
your friends tell you
they think you should do something more
not only for love 
your relatives treat you nicely
but behind the scenes
it likes no other drama 
that they treat you as a dumb ass 
like you aint got your own mind 
let me say it out loud,
" there are some parts which they don't understand .."
" if only they have a better way to spend their precious time but if don't then nvm .."
week by week has passed
for the third time
your best friend talk to you privately
saying that you are no longer as a best friend
just because you don't do something that your best friend expect
your partner hold hands 
but together with a serious conversation
telling you that you've changed 
for the reasons that you don't wanna do what he wanted you to do 
your parents have a dinner with you
and a crucial spoken words
warning you about their ideas 
they insist you that you ought to have their plans on your track 
let me complete my note utterly,
by saying .. 
if your best friend said that you were no longer as a good best friend , 

then just let it go but it doesn't mean you are a defective friend 

but it's just you don't have to waste your time for such friends like that .. 

if your partner said that you've changed just faced it and you better off alone i supposed .. 

you are precious and you can manage your own life without being told by anyone .. 
if your parents warned you about your future , simply just nodded your head cos if you challenged them, 

you would have a feud .. 

but instead of agreeing , you have to plan your own life what are you going to become .. 





♥ Joanna

Bless Your Little Heart

Dedicated for a person ..

Someone that you always love with ur truly heart
Someone that you always think every second
You will never ever get over it ..
When you want to spend your life forever
When you are certain that the person you love is the right person for you
You will realize that the person you love isn't meant for you
And if you seek inside your heart
You'll find a broken heart ..
As time goes by
Everything has changed
If only you have one wish 
To change the situation 
Or maybe you write a note to God to have a second life
Just to be with him,
You will recognize that he is not here to be own by you ..
An indescribable feeling
An indestructible love
That you will never forget 
It will cause u a great pain
And you will never know when it will get better ..
When you realize the imperfection of love
And when the person want to show that
There isn't only a past time but also a new hope 
You will see that the person you love
Give millions of hopes but then,
That person will take it away from you just in a second ..
Somehow,
You already know what to do 
You know which way that you should've taken 
Its just you follow your little heart 
Which tells you that there is a big chances that you can achieve ..
Bless your little heart ..
Be grateful for every scar that you get
Be thankful for every tears that had fallen from your eyes
Though it hurts so much,
All of us know that karma exists 
All of us know that God always see through your life ..



Joanna -

HOMESICK :(

Another day has come and gone away
there's a million people
but i still feel alone
my day is cold and flat
i often see planes
and today i see another plane
i feel like im going home ..
i am homesick 
i just sit at the balcony
as in the twilight 
and watch the birds chirping ..
i am homesick for the city 
that i willing to remember 
the city i hope to lived in
the city where fun exists ..
i am homesick 
for the house where one received me with open arms
when i was sick,
everyone will stay for me ..
i am homesick 
for the place that was full of laughter
i am homesick
for friends that are irreplaceable 
i am homesick 
for hands that stroked my face
i am homesick
for the fun that i used to have every day ..
i am homesick
for the food that my mom used to cook for me
i am homesick
for listening to the story of Jesus
and being taught a prayer for people who need help
i am homesick
for listening to the radio 
which broadcasting about funny things
i am homesick
for TV which all the stations have comedies and gossips
that sometimes made me laugh
that sometimes made me worry ..
i am homesick 
for the time when i was too innocent
to see the signs of betrayal
i am homesick 
for the time when i did not see 
the signs of what is bound to happen
sooner or later ..
i am homesick
for every single thing that i used to do and i used to have ..





Joanna -

Unresolved Puzzle

i run my fingers upon the keyboard
feeling the complete absence of sound 
laughing was the last thing 
that i felt like doing now 
as i remind the moments which already happened ..
the essence of the day 
is when you are able to be anxious 
about what will happen in the next minute 
i yanked off from my bed
i was mystified
and start to concern about the day..
sometimes i'm lurking myself from surly attitude
which illustrates the theme of unwelcome 
words by words
sentences by sentences
i give up of counting those paragraphs
people lie one another
people cheat another people
people disguise themselves
just to run and chase the prize,
the star dazzle award which is money ..
money dimmish people's eyes to see the honesty 
money create appeasement
can't engender themselves,
they fall into the darkness ..
i'm thinking pensively about this life
i know life aint easy 
and i know that life is tentatively set 
for only a limited period of time ..
for some reasons,
i ghastly myself for who ruin my feelings
how i wish that i can rewrite the pages 
which had been written 
however,
it's useless and pointless
can't change the past
it's unavoidable 
but from there,
a lesson learned ..



Joanna -

Convalescence

a day make differences
an age result in wizened pucker
i am strolling gracefully the day
sometimes i am grateful of what i have 
when i am sleeping
with a dizzying jolt 
my dream abruptly become a nightmare ..
i stare at myself
looking for some signs of impending moments in my life
i am entirely not able to avoid an abrupt moment
which about to happen ..
i struggle to get a grip on myself 
despair momentarily vanish
i wonder what i will be in the next age 
i always try to live my life eagerly 
as i make my way to my eternal happiness ..
however
i hiss myself when there is a sign of no fluke
in life
there is always an impasse 
which you can't do any better than stay in silence ..
on the other hand
most of the people tell me smugly about their money
but they will never know the true happiness that they can achieve ..
sometimes
im stammering and scrambling for an excuse
how if i have unlimited time on my hands
i have nothing to reciprocate with ?
how uncanny it will be ..
for some unfathomable reason,
God always want to be with me 
i can't see Him
i can't touch Him
but 
i believe He always stay besides me ..
as the day goes on
neither me nor people realize
that we will never know what will happen next ..
it is hazardous to force what we will never be 
i speak to myself halfheartedly
" i am what i am .. "
" i have plans and ideas but .. "
" reality and wishes will never arise in life altogether .. "
i breathe uneven 
and i tell myself
" i can do better than what i am now .. "
my pulse is thudding in my heart
im waiting to meet Him in my dream for the fourth times
frankly,
i often torture myself for life
provoke myself for unreason moments
i blanch at my own thoughts
a trace of pain touch my perfect features
then abruptly,
i pull myself up into a more happiness ..
when a scar comes into a heart
nothing can heals it
but when i come into a stage called convalescence
i will open my eyes widely
and realize that it was a mistake ..
moreover,
i will say virtuously 
that i have to stand up for myself ..
i furtively enjoy myself not to have pain
and live the life slowly and easyly 
i expect a perceptible difference in my days
and it happens as i think positively ..
with no daze,
i look up to the brightest star
and wish for a better life ..



Joanna -

My Testimony About The Awesomeness Of God

i want to tell you something about the facts of God .. Maybe for people who hate Him and feel so distant to Him .. those people won't satisfy for anything in their life .. those people might be not be grateful of what they have and of what happened in their life .. 
In this particular note, i want to tell something the awesomeness of God .. here i go ..

Problems are always in people's live .. you can't deny problems .. you can't run away from them .. maybe you can hide from them just for a while but not forever .. for the past few months,
i have a problem that i can never solve by myself and my own mind .. feeling took control of me .. mind didn't work at all .. feels like i was hypnotized .. how bad it is .. 
i pray to God everyday .. asked questions .. wanted answers .. even i blamed to Him of what had happened to me .. sounds crazy or even worst .. but thats what i did for the past few months ..
i feel very bad and im sorry for blaming him of what have happened to me .. and i do mean sorry .. 

my problem is always the same .. its all about the feelings .. all about heart's matters .. 
i can say that my life is perfect except about heart's matters .. i have everything in my life .. a perfect family .. a great fortune .. an amazing future .. best friends .. its about everything ..
but its only one thing that i never feel in a great way .. it is about a feeling that i never feel satisfy .. what a pity ! and these past few months .. i have a problem with this .. i tried to run away .. i tried to hide .. even i tried to ignore the problem .. but it didn't work at all yet it became worst and worst each day .. i used my own strength to solve this problem .. i forgot about Him .. i blamed Him .. i didn't even pray .. i know that i am wrong .. and i should never do this .. but at that time, it was out of my control .. out of my mind .. im sorry Dad .. 
hmmm .. maybe God is getting bored to hear my sentence of " i am sorry " .. i keep on repeating that sentence whenever i do a mistake in every single day .. but My God doesn't see that thing .. He is willing to forgive me of every single mistake that i did .. He forgave me .. He cares about me .. He remembers me .. He loves me .. He understands me .. He arranged my life ..He is my everything .. 

until one day .. i felt fed up of my problem .. that i surrendered .. i gave up .. i couldn't do much than this .. i'm tired .. i'm restless .. i'm kinda of fucked up .. i told God of my problem .. i talked to Him .. i pray .. i surrender .. i put my problem upon His feet .. for the first 3 days, i didn't have any answer .. i keep on waiting .. waiting .. and waiting .. and today , he gave me an answer through 2 of my friends .. he said, " COME TO ME" .. im so happy .. its an indescribable feeling !!!! .. 

I feel so grateful of this .. i thought he forgot about me .. i thought he would never forgive me .. i thought he didn't want to stand beside me again .. but i was totally wrong .. cos you know what?! HE STILL CARES FOR ME .. he still understands me .. I LOVE YOU God ..
how great He is .. how awesome He is .. HE NEVER FORGET ABOUT ME .. NEVER EVEN FOR 1 SECOND .. now i know .. He always watching me .. even though i can't see him .. i know he is always be by my side .. and through this note .. i want to tell you God, that i miss to see you in my dream again .. i want to see you in my dream for the fourth times .. i'll be waiting ..
and i decided .. when i feel desperate and when there's no way out for my problems, i choose to move on and continue and fight for live .. when i don't understand God's plan, i choose to keep believing on Him .. when i face a disappointment, i choose to be thankful and grateful of what happens to me .. when my plans of life mess up, i choose to repent myself to Him and when i want to judge people who mistreat me, i choose to forgive them .. 



Thank you My Great God , My Dear True Friend and My Awesome Dad ..
♥ U FOREVER ..





P.S. For those people who don't believe in Him and for people who hate Him .. i believe that God had arranged a time for them to believe in HIm .. though He never insist people to come to Him .. it's their choice of life ..




Joanna -