utter loneliness

mourning inside of an evening
in utter loneliness
just 7 more days
and i would be 18
but im asking,
can someone put me back to when i was 17
starting to remember
when life was pure delight
o mayber take me to when i was 1
when i had my first big birthday party
it's not that i will have one more year to own 
that really hurts me ..
but its that there's no one by my side
to hold my head up high
and it is my family ..
in sitting alone
and i think to myself
can i just close my eyes and open it and there they are..?
there's no one to talk to
i sit in despair
waiting for someone to bring me to them
when i was a kid i never had to worry about anything
just a few scratches here or there
but now there's scars of my heart
those of which i cannot heal
to many times have i breathed without a reason
to many times have i judged life
for i couldn't handle it
although i had it before,
i dont want to have it now ..
i ought to change to be someone better ..
i believe i will get use to it ..
i aint gonna be break down just because of this ..



P.S. i miss my best friends in jkt and my family for sure .. this is my first time that im goin to celebrate it without them .. miss all of u ..

4 may 2009

Joanna-