worth-while living

trust and not to trust
let it be and not to let it be
i might think of other things
i might say that it's better not to trust anyone
i might talk shit 
i might pretend to be someone else
but will it work in that way?
life's too complicated
life's a drama 
and that is the way it is ..
maybe i should let the life decides
what to do and what to choose
but maybe not ..
talking about life right now with my girl
how shit it is
how fuck it is
somehow life's great instead of shits
thinking about all the pain we've been through 
just because of love?
a big no for that ..
life is not only about love matters
there's still a lot of things out there
that i haven't treasure of ..
even though once in a time,
i lay back and it's all been done before
and i could let it be then i will see it ..
everything matters or at least that is 
what they all tell me and
they try making it okay for me
but they can’t I’m done trying
hatred is a drug to my personality
it becomes impossible to think of anything else 
but the object of i hatred
wish to God that i was invisible
whole new waves of emotions does that bring
confusion and longing and slight desperation
but being invisible's a complicated thing..
a lifetime's memories glinting in shadows
feelings that were too sacred to be revealed
when in doubt, I run
im wearing a mask
constantly bashing me
i can't deal with excuses
i run, but i go nowhere
sometimes I think I'd be
more comfortable in a hearse
my eyes stare into oblivion
It means I'm just not there
no explanation
they're thought I cannot share..
for the rest of of my life i put in a shape
life is keep on moving
and it doesnt slow down
i wonder now,
how my life got turned around
i felt like i was a prisoner before
i don't know what to do anymore
i don't want to keep living this kind of life 
im trying to survive in this harsh life
past decisions are forever to last
its time for me to figure it out 
how i feel
how i want my life to be
how i live this drama
i have to determine what's fake and what's real
can't keep running from the problems
ought to grow up instead of run away
face the life with my head up high
as hard as it is, i will always try
the twist and test have put me to the test
although much needed, i have no time to relax
i've to hold back and not to cry
it's finally time to quit living a lie 
and make this life more worth-while for living ..



inspired by : me and my best friend's life

3 may 2009

Joanna-